Care and Feeding of a Gravestone

The cleaning represented by these pictures was done in about one hour.

After visiting a cemetery with a friend -- I choose to blog a little about the care and feeding of a Grave Headstone.

My friend was young, alone and grieving when she lost her beloved father in 1964. She gallantly arranged for the funeral, grave site and receptions by herself. She wanted the very very best money could buy. She chooses a Blue Marble large headstone. Circumstances changed her life and although she lived near by; she did not visit the cemetery for some time. To her surprise time, weather, oxidation and algae had faded, stained and defaced her gravestone.

Marble is porous and stains easily. If its polished marble then the film on it which makes it look dull will be from oxidation in the atmosphere & algae etc will form a film on it. Algae will actually start a hole that becomes larger over time.

The cemetery will professionally clean the marble markers and headstones--for a fee, of course (See previous blog regarding Family Foundations)

It was interesting to "surf" the net for possible solutions to clean one yourself.

The suggestions of course ran the gamut from passive to quite aggressive methods:

Some people will tell you that you should not clean the headstone

Try a potato cut in half

Use two teaspoons of bicarb/soda. with two tablespoons; of water. Rub it on using a rag. Let it dry; Then polish off.

For rust stains, you can remove superficial stains with vigorous scrubbing using a soft cloth and a non-abrasive mild detergent.

Mix a quarter cup of bleach in with your soapy water.

Get it steam-cleaned

An application of naval jelly or other rust remover following the manufacturer's directions for use. But thoroughly rinse off the product after using so it doesn't continue to eat away at the stone.

Use brasso or T Cut

If the surface is not polished, you can go to a hardware store and purchase ''Muriatic Acid''. Be careful, use long rubber gloves and goggles and follow the label's directions!

Pop into your local monumental mason, for some cleaner, its an acid.

There are lots of marble cleaners available on-line and at the big hardware stores. Lowe's and Home Depot.

To clean an old marble that is already weather-beaten, then you can use a non-brass wire brush and Clorox bleach (the thick kind) to do the job. The bleach will get rid of any algae growth. But be sure to thoroughly rinse off with lots of water.

If it's yours forget it . It can't be done

The most comprehensive suggestion came from this following link:
http://www.tsgraves.com/relics/headstone.htm

Pictures of the before and after cleaning are available at this site also.



You should assess the condition of the stone prior to cleaning. I would not attempt this on a headstone that was crumbling. I have seen the . The following are items you will need. In the interest of safety, read and follow all label directions of the manufacturer. Below is a list of items you will need:

•A wire brush (not made of brass)
•A pump up sprayer that will handle a corrosive
•Safety goggles for your eyes
•Rubber Gloves
•Old Clothes or a rain poncho
•Fresh Clean Gallons of Water
•Several Gallons of Clorox Outdoor™
•Some Clean Rags, I prefer white
1.Put on the safety goggles and rubber gloves first.
2.Spray the stone, covering it completely. Wait about 15 minutes. If there is a large algae growth, use the brush lightly to loosen it. You may have to repeat this several times, depending on the amount of algae growth.
3.On the third or fourth application you can rinse with water to see where you stand in the cleaning process.

The quote given to clean the monument was $700.00 from a monument company. The cost of all items was about $50.00 -- and the sprayer goggles, gloves and other items could be used again.

Family Foundations

Recently on WDYTYA there was much todo regarding a neglected graveyard. This is a misunderstanding by many families. That once you purchased "the very best, most expensive gravestone, cemetery spot available at the time, that somehow the job of preserving a well defined, pristine resting place for your loved one is done forever.

Or that if you have a porous, soft material as a grave marker that there is no way to protect it. Check out the grave site of Daniel Boone's parents. I think this is so awesome. They built a structure around very primitive hand carved grave markers.

Imagine the surprise of a friend recently (that after a decade of divorce, losing her home, falling ill, struggling to meet every day's needs) she finally manages to visit her parents grave to find the headstones in ill repair. Explaining again and again how she went into debt to assure her parents had "the very best". Ancestors need cemetery caregivers. Some families have set up "foundations" to assure grave sites are maintained. Family members are notified of this service available. Grave sites are added by location, name and for donations (monetary or time) an administrator arranges for maintenance, status reports, etc. of the family resting places. An example of this would be Vandy Ann lives in Oklahoma, we have many sites in Oklahoma. We provide Vandy Ann a list and location of these sites. In turn, Vandy wants to be assure, have pictures, asks that flowers be laid at Grandparents site in Los Angeles. The family maintain a family foundation to manage this activity. There are several foundations already set by in my family. In one in particular the foundation encompasses several countries. THE CHAPIN FAMILY FOUNDATION.

Many families have family newspapers to update family members on additions, losses, new websites and grave site status reports. Example the newsletter may indicate a misspelling on a gravestone. Depending on the interest of the family --- someone may be willing to contact the cemetery to correct the problem and report back to the family.

Good things are happening out there. It is never too late to see a need and fill it. After watching that WDYTYA I immediately wanted to write Emmett Smith and suggest he "adopt" the cemetery, add headstones, and landscaping. Tell and glorify the lives of these fine people. In this horrible economy, he could give employment, honor and a livelihood to his relatives by hiring them to do the work, setting up a small home on the property, and providing for a cemetery care taker.

Let us not leave this world with regrets and condemnation. Let us leave this world a better place than when we begun. What a marvelous follow up documentary that would make to show Emmitt Smith returning back to the cemetery, hiring people, planning the landscape, preparing and engraving the stories in stone, setting up a small retirement home for relatives and the cost to stay there is to maintain the cemetery. He could set up a foundation in the name of his grandmother and include it in his will.

Why is Aunt Ruth all of a sudden Fascinated by Cemetaries.

Why is Aunt Ruth all of a sudden fascinated by cemeteries.

Cemeteries are wonderful for validating and verifying data. Imagine the thrill when you research records, gather vital data, shift through documents and then to be able to actually go to a place that validates all you have researched. An example of this would be, identifying Joe Dow as born this date, died this date and married to Sue Sue. Then to be able to visit a grave site and lo and behold there is a marker with Joe Dow's birth and death date buried right before you next to his wife Sue Sue. No matter how many times you researched the data, to see it right before you, just gives you a sense of closure and satisfaction that you have indeed closed any doubts of your research.

Cemetery visiting is not as common today as it was in the past. Just as we learn how to eat with manners, the visiting of a cemetery have some formalities.

A cemetery is an off shoot of the church. When visiting the Arizona on Oahu they reminded us that this was in fact a cemetery and we should act accordingly.

If you are not visiting a cemetery to attend a funeral, it is best to pick a time when there is no funeral being conducted. This is in respect for the family. But if this is just not possible, do not interrupt, join in or disturb in anyway the funeral taking place and don't get in the way of funeral processions.

First thing to do when visiting a cemetery is to go to the cemetery office if open. It is proper to introduce yourself and state the purpose of your visit. Many times you can save yourself a lot of time and bother. Many caretakers are pleased to help you find your location or information. The most important reason to go to the office is to find out the rules of the cemetery site. The rules should be placed in plain view and easy to read. If there is something you do not understand ---- ask. Never interrupt an employee on the phone or speaking to another person. Just wait. Then without exception: Follow the cemetery rules. Most have a sign near the entrance stating hours, rules about decorations, etc. Obey these rules. Rules about decorations must be followed. Most cemeteries are open from dawn until dusk. Try not to remain in the cemetery after dark. If the cemetery says, "Closed dusk to dawn," get permission to visit it after hours. If you inadvertently stay past dusk, remember that you are breaking the law; leave cheerfully and quickly when you realize your mistake. Likewise, if the gate is locked, it just might be a hint that you're not allowed into a private cemetery. Stay out!

Don't litter. Do not leave any trace of you being there. Do not sharpen a pencil and leave the sawdust. Do not leave a Kleenex, a gum wrapper or worse the gum any where on the grounds. Carry it out with you.

Don't bring pets to a cemetery, or if it's necessary to bring them, make sure to keep them on a leash, make the animals stay on the paths and come prepared to clean up after them.
Follow the roadways and don't drive or walk on the grass. Drive slowly and obey any speed or parking signs posted in the cemetery. You do not have the right of away.

Keep children nearby and don't let them run across the grass, play on any of the monuments, or take the flowers or articles off the grave sites. It is correct they are children and do not know better but you need to be in control of the children. While it is good to get children used to paying respects at a cemetery, they often don't fully understand the meaning of everything in the cemetery.

Keep voices down and respectful. Don't use bad language. Respect this tranquil place in which to mourn. Don't be overly friendly and talk to strangers because they may want to be alone in peace. It's best to speak in subdued tones, and not approach strangers unless they initiate conversation.


Don't touch any monuments or gravestones. These belong to the families who placed them there. Some older memorials might be in disrepair and might fall apart under the slightest touch. Protect what's in the cemetery. Do not lean on fragile headstones, much less sit on them. Don't use shaving cream to reveal inscriptions; many of them contain perfumes or other ingredients which contribute to decay. Acid rain has already done enough damage! A halogen flashlight at a sharp angle will reveal nearly as much--and sometimes more--than shaving cream would. Step carefully on graves. Leave plants, markers, badges, ribbons, and so on, exactly where you found them. Do not pick anything, even autumn leaves from the trees. However, if you find empty soda cans or fast-food wrappers, you can help the cemetery caretaker by putting them in the trash.

Don't take photos of other people or other funerals. Turn your cell phone off. Cemeteries are wide open spaces and voices tend to carry.

Cemeteries are solemn places with clear rules of etiquette.
Ask before you do any gravestone rubbings due to decaying stones.

Dead jokes are inappropriate. If someone starts joking, stop them immediately or leave the cemetery. We've seen jokers suddenly twist an ankle, or encounter other odd problems. Hmmmm, Obey the laws.

Do not eat, drink, or smoke in the cemetery. Step outside the cemetery if any of these pastimes are necessary.

Cemetary Visit

I will visit my mother's grave this week. It is ironic that my mother often asked me to record our (really she was more interested in "her" family) genealogy, and it is her records that need to be corrected. Constantly the dutiful daughter I am making the pilgrimage to Napa California next week to try to resolve my mother's misinformation. Her Social Security Index indicated she died in San Jose, she died in Napa. Correction: she was pronounced dead in Napa. I think she died in bed in her beloved room at Lake Berryessa. WE all miss her so much. After 5 years, my sister finally visited Mom's grave in 2005. It was so hard for my younger sister. How my heart ached when my sister called to tell me---The data on the gravestone is incorrect.......Mom's name spelt wrong!! Wrong dates.....

It was Mom and I who set up mom's resting place. Dad always procrastinated about making plans. After 3 years, of mother suffering with ovarian cancer, Dad still was surprised when Mom passed. He was so sure she would recover. Mom was very specific about what she wanted --- the home gave us an envelope to complete so decisions could be clear when the time would come. Mom dictated, I wrote, repeated to her what I wrote, exasperated Mother would correct me and have me rewrite and rewrite, then she would change her mind and have me rewrite or add things as she rolled the decisions over in her head again and again.
When the time came, Dad was distraught and totally taken off guard. He walked around in a daze. All official people called him, asked his desires. I quietly mentioned to Dad that I had an envelope of Mom's wishes. Dad looked at me blankly as though he was trying to understand what I said. When we went to the home, the officials brought us into a small neat office, Dad sat down and in his authoritative voice (one I was very familiar with) Dad said "This is what I want.........." Nothing he said slightly resembled the instructions in the sealed envelope. I said nothing. I realized this was now for him, Mom was gone, we needed to take care of Dad. I do remember telling my sister, when we made Dad's arrangement I planned to do a double ceremony with the music and flowers, mother had requested. So I released the responsibility----for the time being. But next week nearly 9 years later, I will try to the best of my ability to correct the Social Security Index, ask for a new gravestone, and place yellow roses on her grave.
CVGS President Gary, asked me how did I think all these mistakes were made. I did not know. I will try to find out what mishaps caused these errors. But most important, I will correct the records. Now I am a genealogist, the self-proclaimed family historian, it is my job to set the records straight. I understand how fustrating now how frustrating and crazy someone would need to go through to locate my mother. My fear is they would never find her. Each ancestor I find, I celebrate their lives, and attempt to share their lives with family. Yes, I need to set the records straight such that hundreds, and generations away family will find and cherish this remarkable woman, just as we do.